A short lesson.

Dear world:

This is something I think you should know. It may shock you. It may surprise you. You may cry like a little sissy girl. But I think you need to hear it, because really, it's been long enough now and it's getting a little bit fucking ridiculous.

PRINCESS DIANA IS DEAD.

Now I know you weren't expecting this, but it is true, and has in fact been true for the last TEN FUCKING YEARS, despite what the tabloids and the High Court would like you to believe. I am fed up of hearing the following on the news:

"Today at Princess Diana's court hearing it emerged that..."

You know what? Today at Princess Diana's court hearing, it emerged that SHE FUCKING DIED! TEN FUCKING YEARS AGO!

Can we have some real news now, PLEASE.

That is all.

________________

P.S. Dear God, whatever you want me to do to get that IT job, I'll do it. I swear. On your mum's life. Whatever that's worth.

Seriously.

YOU FAIL AT BADGERS!

So. I got smoked out of Waterstones by the hotdog man outside to the church next door playing the same fucking "Lord of Creation" song over and over again for fifteen minutes. As loud as he could. I could even hear it when I ran downstairs to hide out in the foreign languages section and try to make my way through the first page of Madame Bovary in the original French. I don't see why religion should drive me out of my quiet reading time. Does God think it's stealing if I stand there and read a whole book without paying for it? I really think he has bigger fish to fry, don't you? LEAVE ME ALONE!

My ears... they bleed.

In other news. Nothing.