"... and if you call it my 'wee-wee' again I shall kneecap you."

I have discovered something that makes me incredibly uncomfortable:

Medical professionals using slang or layman's anatomical terms.

You know, I don't actually find it reassuring talking to you about 'weeing'. You have been to med school and I am fairly sure you are aware that the correct term is 'urinating', and considering I have in fact used the word in conversation in the last two minutes, presumably you are also aware that I'm not too retarded to know what it means. Just because I am in here because I am worried about my health does not mean I wish to be comforted by you talking to me as if I am a toddler who is a bit sore after a particularly big poop, but thanks for making the effort to soothe me, I suppose.

No laughter! I am serious! I am so glad I'm not in here to talk to you about my reproductive system because god only knows how you would choose to refer to my vagina. 'Lady pocket'? 'Special place'? In fact I am tempted to come in again and fake a vagina-related problem just so I can find out.

Also, whilst I am relieved that I am not in fact displaying symptoms of imminent death by ravenous cancer, I still don't appreciate you laughing at your own diagnosis. "Oh yes, you have a nice wee infection! Hahaha!" Yeah, your laughter is encouraging. Don't worry, I didn't genuinely spend the entirety of my Saturday thinking I was dying. Seriously. Thanks. How about instead of £7.10 for those antibiotics, I just punch you in the bladder and we see if it hurts next time you 'go for a wee'.

WHO SAYS 'WEE INFECTION'?! HOW IS THAT PROFESSIONAL?!?!

Then again, who blogs about a bladder infection? Takes all kinds, I guess.