Dick/Face

So, you know some days, you'll just be walking around and EVERYBODY seems to be looking at you? Shop assistants, drivers, random people on the street? You have those days, right? Good, I'm glad you're coming with me on that.
And you're walking along, thinking, that's ANOTHER one. Should I smile back at them? I mean, either I've got something on my face, or I look really good today. Oh God I bet I have something on my face. I had tomato soup for lunch. I TOTALLY have soup all over my face. Oh God. Oh God. I can't even try to rub it off without looking like a total fucktard. Don't smile back at them they'll think you think you're looking good but really you just have shit all over your face, oh fuck oh fuckohfuckohfuck.

This might make it seem as if I am more than a little paranoid and insecure. But come on, people; everyone is looking at you, and the options are, you look really good today (which, face it, you've just been at work for seven and a half hours - it's not happening) or someone's drawn a dick on your face, and I'm not saying it's happened before, but... well, it's happened before.

...

Yeah I'm not really sure where I was going with that either.
Incidentally, on closer inspection, I didn't have anything on my face. So. Who knew.