Urinal sculptures.

Yep, you heard me.

Observe.

Urinal sculptures? Really? Ok, you find me a guy who wants to urinate in a fucking ceramic orchid.

Sheesh.

Avast!

Right!

Everybody choose your pirate names!

I am 'Blind Dead McJones.'

And make it good, because you only get to choose ONCE.

Good times.

"I... I think he broke my side!"

"There! Now the roof is down, you can't slag it off!"
"I could point out that it's more secure now than it is with the roof up."
"You can walk home."
"Big deal, takes ten minutes."
"Ok, I'll break your ankles, then you can walk home."
"Oooh, that's cold."

"Get a meaty to taste it."
"I resent that."
"Ok then, James can do it."
"James is head meaty! Haha... hahaha... ha."
"I will kick you, Jenny."
"Haha... I know."

"STOP WHIPPING ME IN THE VAGINA!"
"No."
"Ow... my reproductive bits."
"How many do you have?!"
"Ten... backups."
"... right."

The Internet's Prayer

Dear Internet Overlord,
Give us this day our daily internet,
And forgive us our rants against Indian callcentre workers,
Even though we don't forgive those who rant against us.
Lead us not into expensive internet cafes,
And deliver us from useless library computers,
For yours is the porn,
The Google and the out of date bus timetables,
Forever and ever.
Amen.

Subtext: I need to get a life.

Not quite the Theory of Relativity, is it.

Scientists have discovered the formula for the perfect bacon sandwich.

Observe.

The formula is: N = C + {fb (cm) . fb (tc)} + fb (Ts) + fc . ta, where N=force in Newtons required to break the cooked bacon, fb=function of the bacon type, fc=function of the condiment/filling effect, Ts=serving temperature, tc=cooking time, ta=time or duration of application of condiment/filling, cm=cooking method, C=Newtons required to break uncooked bacon.

I JUST WANTED A BLOODY SANDWICH!