Ok people, we have a lot of ground to cover here so please, try to keep up.
First on the agenda: Laughing at Scientology.
Disclaimer: I do not care if you think this is discrimination. I believe Marmite is nice; I believe Snakes On A Plane is a brilliant film; I believe boots and a dress is a viable fashion choice. You are free to laugh at these beliefs. I am free to laugh at the religious equivalent of a terrible 1950's sci-fi B-movie. Get over it.
So, if you don't have a great working knowledge of Scientology, this is a good place to start. Please at least skim the 'summary' section of this Wikipedia article, or what I'm saying won't make much sense. Not that I can guarantee it will make any sense having read the article, but it might help.
Now, I am not even going to start on Tom Cruise - except to say, if I had humiliated myself that badly on national television, I would honestly go and live out the rest of my life in a hole. On fire. Watching that must have been even more painful for Katie Holmes than giving birth IN SILENCE.
Moving on.
Right. If you've read the summary on the Xenu page, you should be with me on this.
Even as a science fiction script... it's a big steaming plate of poo. Plain and simple.
Ridiculously cliched names, a plane in space, the idea that the decor of modern cinemas harks back to some kind of racial memory of a giant screening room in which the first inhabitants of 'Teegeeack' (Earth, to the uninitiated) were shown a 3D film for 36 days which apparently made them into complete retards who couldn't distinguish between themselves and a thousand of themselves... and a plane in space. The artist's impression of which has the NASA logo on the back.
Sorry. No.
And also, this is only "Incident 2". "Incident 1" occurred, supposedly, four quadrillion years ago. This may not mean much until you consider that four quadrillion years is 300,000 times longer than current scientific thought holds the age of the universe to be.
Also, L Ron Hubbard was an alcoholic, and a drug addict. Would you devote your life to the indisctinct ramblings of such a person?
Zecharia Sitchin on acid would probably make more sense.
Second on the agenda: Life.
I know, I know. A broad net. But bear with me.
I was thinking the other day, it's strange how much tiny little things can affect your minute-to-minute perception of the world.
The fat bald guy in the football shirt who gives you the kind of look that makes you think "How dare you look at me like that, I'm somebody's little girl, somebody's childhood sweetheart" : shitty world.
A passer-by smiling at you and nodding towards the sky and saying "Lovely day, huh?" : wonderful world.
Two little girls dressed up like hookers, probably no older than twelve, sat on a bus stop bench, smoking : shitty world.
The dad in a shirt playing football with his two little daughters in the park : wonderful world.
Coming into your room while the house is empty and stopping dead and thinking "Fuck, something's missing" : shitty world.
Someone bringing you a DVD you lost because it was in your laptop when it got stolen : wonderful world.
A phone call and the words "Are you sitting down, I have some horrible news, I'm so sorry" : shitty world.
Waking up and the first thing you see is someone smiling at you : wonderful world.
Having someone to encourage you to paint and write even when you don't feel like it : wonderful world.
Hearing 'Raspberry Beret' on the radio : wonderful world.
I think you can see which one is winning over at the moment.
I was also thinking, whilst looking through all the saved messages on my phone, about all the things people do that are completely overlooked when people talk about the horrid things that happen in the world.
Do we even notice that people hold each others' hands? That people call just to say hello? That people give each other little cards for no reason, and buy each other little gifts on impulse? That people tell each other they love each other, every single day, just so they know? That people hug their friends when they say hello and when they say goodbye? That they have little nicknames for each other? That they say "You are lovely" or "You look so pretty today" or "I'm glad you are happy" or "You are my best friend" or "You matter"? That they sometimes look at each other at exactly the same time and laugh as if they just shared a thought about something funny?
Because all that stuff does happen. In among all the shootings and the insults and the mean little acts of spite, people are nice to each other for no particular reason, other than that they want to be.
And it's important. It's important that you do all those little things and that you tell the people you love, that you do love them, that they matter to you, that they are worth something. It may seem like you can tell them later. And maybe you will be able to. But please just do it now because you know what, you are never too young for it to be too late and if they don't know now, there is at least a chance that they never will.
So, to all those reading who do those little things for me - I love you. You matter. You are worth something.
Just thought you should know.
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
07 May, 2007
05 May, 2007
For anyone who's ever had a run-in with the IT department.
(Disclaimer: yes, I know some IT helpdesk staff really are incompetent or ignorant or rude. I am generalising. Get over it.)
I remember once last year hearing someone at work spouting off about the IT department. I earwigged in because having worked in IT, I am of the opinion that IT helpdesk workers are misunderstood, underestimated, downtrodden creatures, who really deserve someone to stand up for them.
The colleague in question was ranting because of a server problem.
"They had this message before you even got through, saying 'if you are calling about the server issues, please hang up now, we are aware of the problem and are dealing with it accordingly, thanks for your call' and I thought oh no, you're not fobbing me off like that. So I stayed on hold for seven whole bloody minutes and when I got through and told her what my problem was she said exactly the same! So I went off on one at her about how it was slowing everyone down and it really wasn't on. She starts going well it's not our fault, we're working on it, so I said I wanted to speak to her managed, but he was conveniently on a call. The whole thing is a complete sham."
Right. For anyone who's ever wondered why really competent IT helpdesk staff are a rarity, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
It's because intelligent, hardworking people who know their shit about computers quite rightly see no reward in sitting there squandering their talents getting shouted and sworm at by ignorant cockbites like you.
I mean seriously. Listen to yourself next time you call the IT desk. Chances are, you immediately come across as thinking you know better than the analyst. Let's remember, shall we, that you are the one calling a complete stranger for advice on what is more often than not an incredibly simple IT problem. And another little secret for you, the more of an asshole you are, the less likely you are to get your problem fixed in a timely manner. And the more likely they are to find your picture on the intranet, or in a database where you thought it was safe, and laugh at it. And do you really, honestly, seriously think that they need another call about a server problem which is affecting literally thousands of people? They know there is a server problem. They know you cannot do any work. They know this isn't terribly convenient for you. They don't need to be reminded. It is all they have heard about all day. They have barely had time to pour their substandard coffee-machine-produced lukewarm piss down their necks, their office is either too hot or too cold, and their manager is in a REALLY bad mood.
Speaking of their manager, your analyst is not just trying to save herself the trouble of a complaint. He really is on the phone, to the server team, in fact, and has been for the last two hours. He's getting shitty with them because this problem is seriously screwing up his service level statistics, and his attitude is hardly hurrying proceedings along. There are seventy two calls waiting, and most of them get dropped because his desk is so understaffed and the other service centre is offline because it was evacuated due to unsubstantiated flood warnings. Oh, and while we're on the subject of the server team, they're the team who - funny enough - deal with servers. If the problem is anyone's fault, it is theirs. The way you talk to the analysts, you'd think they were sitting around, smoking, gazing disinterestedly at the servers they just smashed up with a couple of monkey wrenches and an office chair. This is not the case (much as they may be tempted to smash up the servers and leave you to deal with the chaos alone.) Your analysts is a go-between, a newsreel, a ticker-tape. Stop shooting the fucking messenger, you stupid fucking fuck.
In conclusion: YOU are the reason the IT helpdesk is often so unhelpful. The people who were really good at their jobs quit long ago, because:
So please, shut up, sit down, and know that next time your account is locked out - they did that on purpose. They giggle about it on their lunch break. Even their manager thinks it's funny.
Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?
I remember once last year hearing someone at work spouting off about the IT department. I earwigged in because having worked in IT, I am of the opinion that IT helpdesk workers are misunderstood, underestimated, downtrodden creatures, who really deserve someone to stand up for them.
The colleague in question was ranting because of a server problem.
"They had this message before you even got through, saying 'if you are calling about the server issues, please hang up now, we are aware of the problem and are dealing with it accordingly, thanks for your call' and I thought oh no, you're not fobbing me off like that. So I stayed on hold for seven whole bloody minutes and when I got through and told her what my problem was she said exactly the same! So I went off on one at her about how it was slowing everyone down and it really wasn't on. She starts going well it's not our fault, we're working on it, so I said I wanted to speak to her managed, but he was conveniently on a call. The whole thing is a complete sham."
Right. For anyone who's ever wondered why really competent IT helpdesk staff are a rarity, I'm going to let you in on a little secret:
It's because intelligent, hardworking people who know their shit about computers quite rightly see no reward in sitting there squandering their talents getting shouted and sworm at by ignorant cockbites like you.
I mean seriously. Listen to yourself next time you call the IT desk. Chances are, you immediately come across as thinking you know better than the analyst. Let's remember, shall we, that you are the one calling a complete stranger for advice on what is more often than not an incredibly simple IT problem. And another little secret for you, the more of an asshole you are, the less likely you are to get your problem fixed in a timely manner. And the more likely they are to find your picture on the intranet, or in a database where you thought it was safe, and laugh at it. And do you really, honestly, seriously think that they need another call about a server problem which is affecting literally thousands of people? They know there is a server problem. They know you cannot do any work. They know this isn't terribly convenient for you. They don't need to be reminded. It is all they have heard about all day. They have barely had time to pour their substandard coffee-machine-produced lukewarm piss down their necks, their office is either too hot or too cold, and their manager is in a REALLY bad mood.
Speaking of their manager, your analyst is not just trying to save herself the trouble of a complaint. He really is on the phone, to the server team, in fact, and has been for the last two hours. He's getting shitty with them because this problem is seriously screwing up his service level statistics, and his attitude is hardly hurrying proceedings along. There are seventy two calls waiting, and most of them get dropped because his desk is so understaffed and the other service centre is offline because it was evacuated due to unsubstantiated flood warnings. Oh, and while we're on the subject of the server team, they're the team who - funny enough - deal with servers. If the problem is anyone's fault, it is theirs. The way you talk to the analysts, you'd think they were sitting around, smoking, gazing disinterestedly at the servers they just smashed up with a couple of monkey wrenches and an office chair. This is not the case (much as they may be tempted to smash up the servers and leave you to deal with the chaos alone.) Your analysts is a go-between, a newsreel, a ticker-tape. Stop shooting the fucking messenger, you stupid fucking fuck.
In conclusion: YOU are the reason the IT helpdesk is often so unhelpful. The people who were really good at their jobs quit long ago, because:
- You are a mouthy, self-important asshat, and
- Because most of your problems, which seemed like the end of the world, could be fixed with a quick reboot, and this drives them to near-suicidal depression.
So please, shut up, sit down, and know that next time your account is locked out - they did that on purpose. They giggle about it on their lunch break. Even their manager thinks it's funny.
Have you tried turning it off and turning it on again?
18 April, 2007
Once in a lifetime
I would just like to say, also, I saw the most amazing thing the other night.
It was about seven or eight. We were sat in Bar Risa. They had just switched to 'nightclub' mode, lights down, music up. We usually sit near the door because it's a little quieter there so we can actually have something resembling a conversation if we feel so inclined.
Suddenly, Ben gets this huge grin on his face and points to the raised area behind us and yells OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT.
Yes.
It was, a genuine dance-off.
"I have waited my whole life to see this!"
You just haven't lived until you have actually seen two men vying for the alpha male spot... through the medium of incredibly camp, incredibly crap, dance.
Awesome.
It was about seven or eight. We were sat in Bar Risa. They had just switched to 'nightclub' mode, lights down, music up. We usually sit near the door because it's a little quieter there so we can actually have something resembling a conversation if we feel so inclined.
Suddenly, Ben gets this huge grin on his face and points to the raised area behind us and yells OH MY GOD LOOK AT THAT.
Yes.
It was, a genuine dance-off.
"I have waited my whole life to see this!"
You just haven't lived until you have actually seen two men vying for the alpha male spot... through the medium of incredibly camp, incredibly crap, dance.
Awesome.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
