Thank you, American Beauty, for this quote which I would dearly love to write on an exit interview form for a job I didn't like:
"My job consists of basically masking my contempt for the assholes in charge, and, at least once a day, retiring to the men's room so I can jerk off, while I fantasize about a life that doesn't so closely resemble hell."
Although obviously I don't do that. And if I did, I wouldn't be doing it in the men's room.
Another American Beauty quote (not that I'm sitting here reading through the 'memorable quotes' sections of random films on IMDB, or anything) which makes me wish someone would say "Well at least I'm not ugly!" to me:
"Yes, you are. And you're boring, and you're totally ordinary, and you know it."
Also, today, I got home and started getting changed. I took off my trousers, and noticed some odd green markings on my leg. It took me a few seconds to figure out what was going on.
When I got in last night, I had got undressed, and sat down at the desk briefly to check my emails. It was taking a while to load; so in the interim, I wrote the lyrics to 'Spiderpig' on my leg.
It takes a special kind of person, you know? Jeez.
Today's comedy gold nugget - Dave, upon seeing a small Yorkshire Terrier.
"Ooh look. A kebab."