09 April, 2007


I would like to start, if I may, with some musings about tomatoes, because a small and probably inconsequential remark about them sparked the idea for this monumental waste of cyberspace.

So. Tomatoes. What the fuck is a tomato? It's a little red sack of crap. Pointless, tasteless crap. Also, it likes to pretend to be a fruit. Well I have news for you, tomatoes. You're not a fruit. You're not even a fucking vegetable. You are nature's waterballoon. Get over it.

While we're here, actually, let's just clarify - I don't mean the good kind of waterballoon, you know that one bigger than your own head that you guard with your life until the enemy is all out of ammo then you obliterate them with it. No. I mean the crappy little one that the kid from down the road who you didn't really want on your team anyway made, the one that's still opaque because that's just how pathetic it is, and it just won't explode no matter how hard you throw it.
Obviously a tomato would exlode if you threw it hard enough, but you know. In terms of disappointment they're pretty similar.

Cucumbers are a bit pointless too but I can't think of anything sufficiently witty to say about them. So I'd just like to pass on this message to cucumbers everywhere:
My sister might like you but I think you're a bit rubbish.

By the way, if you thought this was boring, I wouldn't advise you to come back. It's not going to get any more interesting from now on.

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