Sometimes, I go to a bookshop, usually with a cafe, and I sit and drink a hot chocolate and let mysef daydream about being an author. It will be soon, I hope; I want to be a young author. When I was a child people expected me to be some kind of prodigy, but I'm too old to be a prodigy in most stuff now. I figure, I'm already a writer - surely becoming an author is the easy part. Probably not. Definitely not, actually. But maybe if I keep lying to myself I won't notice how fucking difficult it is.
I also walk around the bookshop and reach out but rarely pick anything up, because I think, is that book going to change my life? Or is the book next to it? Will picking up one and not the other perhaps change the course of my life? Maybe if I picked up one, I'd put it down and think "wow that sucked" and go and buy some chocolate to make me feel better. Maybe if I picked up the other I would find one sentence, or one word, one bit of inspiration that got me writing and within the month I'd be on Richard and Judy, who I hate, making me a gigantic hypocrite, pimping my new bestseller to within an inch of its life. (That's not fair, actually, I don't mind Richard. And I don't like truly HATE Judy. I just think she is really, really stupid.) (Also, I'm so hyped about that idea where I become rich and famous overnight, that I'm totally already thinking about the possibility that one day, Richard and Judy will read my blog, and put out a hit on me or something. But I bet they won't. They'll invite me to be on the show, and I'll either have to go for it just for the publicity and hope they never, EVER SEE THIS, or I'll have to reject them. Either way it'd be awkward, you know? It's hard being famous. I imagine.) (I'm aware that I could just delete this bit where I bitch about them. But that would be censorship and that, my friends, is wrong.) (Going to stop using parentheses now.)
On a less serious note (it gets less serious? Oops, more parentheses), who else thinks tuna in sunflower oil is wrong? Tuna should not come in ANYTHING other than brine. Fish in oil?! Fish are pretty fucking oily already! Nobody wants to have to wipe oil off their face after eating tuna. SORT IT OUT.
Also watch Chris Rock clips on YouTube, he's hilarious.